Ugh. Perhaps it was because we had one too many homemade margaritas the previous evening. Now, you’ll soon recognize that this isn't exactly a "Christmastime adventure," but I think it'll provoke a few laughs. On Saturday night we decided to order the Debt on demand. We started watching it, but within ten seconds I realized my fatal mistake- I accidentally purchased the non-HD version. I know, I know. Gasp! (If I were an active tweeter, I’d follow this with the trending hashtag, #firstworldproblems.) Anyways, I was very vocal about my error, which annoyed Lindsay. Even though she didn’t say it, her response was basically, Whatever, drink your margarita.
After I groaned about it for a minute or so, she decided she’d chat with a Comcast representative to remedy the situation. My stubbornness prompted me to grab my laptop and fix the problem myself. Mitzi logged on. A somewhat incoherent conversation ensued, and we both realized he would not be able to assist us. After I thanked him for his “help,” he replied earnestly, “You are most welcome.” Then, this: “Have a Comcastic night!” What a gem! Even though Mitzi couldn’t remove the charge, that delightful phrase alone made the ten minutes of worthless conversation very much worth it.
OK OK, back to Sunday morning. We rolled out of bed and walked to Kettleman’s (their bagels are wonderful!) to meet Lindsay’s parents and brother for breakfast. Then, we hopped in their car and headed out to find the perfect Christmas tree. We drove through the ‘burbs and to the farm where hundreds of Noble trees of all shapes and sizes awaited us.
Upon pulling into the driveway, I was immediately transported back to childhood. Memories of us bundling up in boots, snow pants, hats, gloves, and ski jackets and braving the blustering snow, freezing cold and biting wind to find a tree. Of course, we had to walk up hill in both directions, and at about 4 ft. 5 in., I was almost buried by heavy falling snow a few times. (OK, I’m embellishing here.)
We wandered around for maybe 45 minutes looking for the “just right tree.” No, too tall. Too short. Too fat. Too bare. The trunk is too thick. Finally, we spotted it. The perfect tree. (Actually, I think our expectations were just significantly lowered due to the fact that no one wanted to be there all day.)
As Lindsay’s brother and Dad secured the tree to their car, I remembered the few close calls we had on the drives home. Panic in the back seat. “Dad, I think the tree is moving. Ut ohhhh. It’s slipping to the left. Don’t brake so hard! OH NO!” After a few years in a row of near-disasters, my Dad mastered the art of securing a Christmas tree to the top of our van. And all was well.
This week, I’ve been on an adventure to find a mini Christmas tree for our apartment, on which we can hang our one ornament. (Thanks, Anne!)
After living in New York City for three years, I figured it’d be pretty easy. After all, every 10 blocks in Manhattan is a makeshift Christmas tree farm—open 24 hours per day, 7 days a week, and equipped with everything and anything Christmas related you could ever need. Stands. Lights. Decorations. Everything!
Portland is not New York City.
Monday- I walked about a half a mile to a parking lot where pre-cut Christmas trees were sold. I found a fabulous little tree for 15 bucks. I inquired if they sold stands for the mini trees. No. Only for the big ones. Grr. I figured the grocery store nearby would sell stands. No luck.
Tuesday- Feeling optimistic, I ventured to Fred Meyer to buy a stand and lights. In their Christmas aisle, I found lights! But, they happened to be the ugliest, tackiest lights I’d ever seen. And, the energy efficient ones were all blue. I didn’t realize it’d be so difficult to find white lights. Also, no stands.
Wednesday- I headed over to Rite Aid in the Pearl. In Manhattan, Rite Aid sells everything, so I knew I’d be in luck. “Excuse me, ma’am, do you guys sell Christmas tree stands?” She looked at me as if I were a delusional lunatic. “No, nothing Christmas-related.” Where AM I?! Whole Foods was only a few blocks away, so I walked there with a renewed optimism. Not only did they not sell lights, but they only sold stands already attached to mini-trees. I asked an employee, “Can’t I just buy a stand separately?” He replied, “No, they come as a package.” Defeated, I walked home. (Chuckles.) If Rick Perry were here, he’d think Portland was waging a full-fledged war against Christmas.
Today, I’m taking the day off from the Christmas tree hunt. Hopefully, I’ll have more luck tomorrow.
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